OK, thanks so much again. Thanks but that tutorial didn't tell me how to do shading and pie graphs in the same visual. Rather than do a pie chart, I just calculated a percentage of homeowners per county that's 65 or older (the target demographic).
I think I finally have something respectable to show my boss but unfortunately it won't let me do county names AND percentages on the same map, so it's still kind of sloppy. I also don't know how to work that into the legend.
Lastly, I don't understand how to remove that line of text that says cb_2013_us_county_500k.PercentDif from the map legend.
I sold him on the idea that ArcGIS would make all our dreams come true, so this definitely should look convincing.